


Sooner or Later

by distinguishedlandcoffee



Category: UnREAL (TV)
Genre: 3x04 tag, Episode Tag, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 11:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distinguishedlandcoffee/pseuds/distinguishedlandcoffee
Summary: "Because sooner or later, she's gonna blow."Quinn's alcohol-soaked thoughts as Rachel enters her office at the end of 3x04.





	Sooner or Later

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've felt compelled to write in actual years. Bless/curse this show and these women.

> “It’s so interesting that you position yourself as the feminist hero --”
> 
> “I never said that.”
> 
> “Good, because I think what’s really happening is that you hate yourself and you’ve made it your life’s work to destroy other women. That’s the real story. The real story is you.”

* * *

 

“You’re scaring the hell out of me, Rachel. Where are you?”

Here. Rachel was here, walking into Quinn’s office and it wasn’t the end of the fucking world because she was here and obviously not dead but Rachel’s face seemed to think otherwise. On all counts.

And now Rachel was sitting down next to Quinn, making eye contact with Quinn, and lowering her head onto Quinn’s lap and for a moment Quinn almost lets herself be soft, almost lets herself touch Rachel, be gentle with Rachel, comfort Rachel. Almost.

Rachel would say that this season of Everlasting was produced by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. Quinn went to college too, she studied literary theory too, and she sure as hell knew about the way homosexual desire was subverted through compulsive heterosexuality. She’d  _read_  about the way homosexual desire was subverted through compulsory heterosexuality too. Something about triangulating desire through someone else. So if you want to fuck your bestfriend, you fuck his wife instead because that way you don’t have to be gay. Or vice versa. Whatever.

The first time Quinn had gotten drunk and fucked a man out of nothing other than a need to impress or destroy the woman who actually wanted to fuck him had been in college. The most recent time had been with August. Quinn couldn’t seem to figure out any steps between repressing her desire for someone and fucking the first -- or 10,000th -- man they flirt with.

The thing about growing up in the late 1980s in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road with an alcoholic father and dreaming about being literally anywhere but there is that you didn’t get to be a lesbian. She left all that bullshit behind and had fucking  _made it_.

And everything that she had made depended on this perfect heterosexual daydream. She could find a way to get away with being a ballbuster as long as she could convince people she was willing to touch balls at all. Her castle had been built out of some fundamental mistruth about the relationship between penises and vaginas. And all it had cost herself was the promise to herself to not be like her dad; a promise melting and mixing with the mid-range alcohol left in her nearly empty glass.

Quinn was so deep in the closet that most of the time she could convince herself she was more or less happy fucking men and pretending to care about their bullshit needs. But she was drunk -- and she hadn’t been sober since before the season started -- and until 15 seconds ago she had been convinced that Rachel had offed herself and now Rachel’s head was in her  _lap_  and that hadn’t happened before except for in her dreams.

If she could let her hand fall and comfort Rachel. Rachel would let her. No one would have to know.

_Because sooner or later, she’s gonna blow_.


End file.
